I was sent an advance copy of "Tattoo Machine - Tall Tales, True Stories, and My Life in Ink" by tattooer Jeff Johnson. I must say I was intrigued by the notion of a tattoo artist writing a book. As much as I enjoy writing the occasional blog entry I have no idea how someone puts down pages of sentences, paragraphs, and chapters into an interesting and complete story. I was always the one in school with not quite enough words in my essays.  

It's risky to put your ideas out there for people to examine and scrutinize, weather it's on TV, in an interview or in this case a book. Johnson acknowledges as much in his intro, "I expect to catch some shit about what I've related here." He also gives us a measured dose of humility as to his skills as a tattooer, "The people I know who are world-class in this profession put in some serious overtime. I doubt I'll ever be that motivated, and there's ample question as to weather I have the talent in the first place..... I hail squarely from the center of the ranks. "  That's a sentiment that I would say I share for myself as a tattooer, and it's very well put.

The book is an interesting read overall, I didn't have a problem getting through it but I did have a problem with some of the semi-macho posturing throughout. Maybe because I'm a woman tattooer I have a different outlook on things or maybe it's because my shop's far away from Portland Oregon where Johnson plies his trade. Some of the stuff he writes makes no sense to me.

He disparages traditional tattoos, "Some tattoo shops are utterly choked with..."traditional American" pap....It doesn't reflect what people are buying... and is largely useless as a touchstone to describe in a visual sense the range of possibilities..... In most cases it's so easy that a motivated monkey could do it." This coming from a guy who added this illustration to his book....

That eagle may have been drawn by a motivated monkey, what the hell happened to it's head?  "The terrible resurgence of old-school design motifs.... the Sailor Jerry crap from our cartoony, Scooby-Doo coloring book past."

Then there is the chapter on "Shop Talk" It just so happens we've had guest artists in lately from the North-West so I asked around if anyone had heard any of these terms. Maybe he made them up to add some spicy lingo to his book, but I've never heard them and if anyone starts using these words in the shop I'll be way annoyed.

"Bonus Hole: A customer with an allergy to latex, the stuff condoms are made from" WTF???

"Swamp Panther: A full scale bloodbath has just been navigated. Whoever seized the rudder and guided the situation away from seemingly certain  disaster is a swamp panther. If this person made a crushing amount of money at the same time, worked some serious magic, diffused a Dee Dee Bonus Hole bomb or two then they have earned the much coveted title of "Pussy Eating Swamp Panther."

 So I understand, one must exaggerate to make things interesting, make fun of vegans to sound tough,  put down stuff you think you're above but it's a little annoying. Otherwise though, I wouldn't say don't read the book, you may get a chuckle from some of the nonsense. I did. And again, it's not a bad read overall. He did a good job as a tattoo artist writing a book and I congratulate him on the effort and accomplishment.

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